I’ve been a rule follower, maker, and advocate for my entire life. In my mind, rules keep me safe and help me to navigate through this sometimes unruly world. I can remember from a very early age trying my darndest to keep track of all these commands: “Step on a crack, you break your mother’s back…Don’t look at the sun…Don’t swallow your gum…When walking with scissors, make sure they are facing down…” It’s a lot for a small girl to take in!
As I grow and learn more about the world, I am trying to edit some of these restrictions (although I will always walk with those scissors facing down! (Thanks Mom)) I recently found myself in a bit of a pickle when faced with a pretty important life decision but found comfort upon the realization that it’s always okay to update those rules or even possibly…GASP…change my mind.
In my early twenties, like many women, I was in a hideously disastrous relationship. The red flags were everywhere but I chose to ignore them for years hoping and praying that this caveman would eventually come around. Well, he didn’t. I (finally) broke up with him and moved out and with the very generous support of my family and friends, was able to start a brand new happy life on my own. At the time I implemented many rules for my life in hopes that they would protect me from future devastation. Among them:
Never Ever Wever Shever Live With A Boyfriend Before Marriage.
This protective amendment was easy enough to follow for the first couple years of my newly single existence seeing that my boyfriends were certainly not marriage material. But then it happened: I feel in love, deeply in love. And with a really great guy (Hi babe!). I held my ground for two more years, paying the rent on my very own studio apartment (which I slept at perhaps two days a week). But still, I had my own place and I thought of it as my insurance policy if this relationship regrettably turned sour.
A couple of weeks ago I received a notice from my management company declaring that indeed my lease was up for renewal; I realized then that my relationship outlook was up for renewal as well. My boyfriend and I have both read the articles on marriage and divorce, listened to the horror stories and seen first-hand what happens when things get bad. We’ve vowed to respect our independent lives and not allow our relationship to become a vacuum. And it’s agreed that we are both definitely in this for the long haul (insert wedding bells here). So why am I standing with one foot in and one foot out? Because I am scared. And that’s no way to live.
So I changed my mind, I’m moving in with my boyfriend and couldn’t be happier. I plan on walking away from my rules that are rooted in fear and replacing my motivations from a more loving and trusting place. But I am left with one question: who gets the big closet?
Some shots of my pad before I start packing up…